Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i think i just lost a toe
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
false alarm, still single
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