Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
