ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
