I could make wine with my vomit
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
