i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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