This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
