I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
