Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
