im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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