She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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