What did we do last night that was yellow?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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