If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
