Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
