So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
