there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
