shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
tell me about the eggs
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize