You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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