HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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