just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
