The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
