He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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