Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
