dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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