You can't motorboat a personality
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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