I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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