your room smells of hookers.
And success
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
