why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
