I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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