Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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