so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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