it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
