I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
