opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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