those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
