If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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