Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
