The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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