she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
