I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
