at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize