hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
