I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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