Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish you could order shots online.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
