I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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