she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
