I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She needs sedatives and a leash
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
