SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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