btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
