I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
