tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
