I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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