paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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