Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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