Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
