I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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