yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was confusing and full of hummus
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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