a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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