Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
