i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
