omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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