You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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