me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize