the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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