How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
