So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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