You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
