wat bout pragnant strippers??
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
