Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
