Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
